Many people include funeral and burial instructions in their wills, assuming this is the natural place for final wishes. The problem is timing. Wills often aren’t located or read until days or even weeks after death, long after funeral decisions must be made. Your family needs guidance within hours of your passing, not after the service has concluded.
Our friends at Hirani Law discuss this disconnect frequently with families scrambling to find instructions after someone dies. A will lawyer can explain why separating funeral wishes from your will makes practical sense, even though legally you can include them in the document. The goal is making sure your preferences are accessible when your family needs them most.
Funerals typically occur within three to seven days after death. Your will might be in a safe deposit box requiring court orders to access, with your attorney in another state, or simply unfound among your papers. Meanwhile, your spouse or children must make immediate decisions about burial, cremation, services, and related matters.
Why Wills Get Read Too Late
Safe deposit boxes present particular problems. Many banks require death certificates and court authorization before allowing access. By the time your executor obtains these documents, funeral arrangements are already complete.
Attorneys holding original wills might not be immediately notified of your death. Your family may not know which attorney has your documents or how to contact them quickly. Even when they do, the attorney might be unavailable over a weekend when death occurs.
Family members searching your home for estate planning documents might not find them immediately. Papers get filed in unexpected places. Some people hide important documents so well that finding them takes weeks.
Probate courts don’t become involved until after funerals. The formal will reading that happens in movies doesn’t reflect reality. Most families never have a dramatic gathering where the will is read aloud. Instead, the executor files the will with the probate court days or weeks later.
Better Places For Funeral Instructions
Separate Letter Of Instruction
Create a document specifically for funeral and burial wishes separate from your will. Keep this letter easily accessible in locations your family knows about. Give copies to your spouse, adult children, and close friends who would be contacted immediately upon your death.
This letter can include detailed preferences without the formality required for wills. You can update it easily as your wishes change without needing witnesses or legal formalities.
Include practical information like:
- Burial or cremation preference
- Specific funeral home if you have one selected
- Religious or cultural ceremony preferences
- Desired location for services
- Whether you want calling hours or viewings
- Preferred charitable donations instead of flowers
- Memorial service versus funeral service wishes
- Music, readings, or specific requests
Funeral Home Pre-Planning
Many funeral homes offer pre-planning services where you document your wishes directly with them. Some people pre-pay for services, though this requires careful consideration about the funeral home’s stability and transferability if you move.
Pre-planning documentation stays with the funeral home. When your family contacts them, your instructions are immediately available. This eliminates guesswork and family disagreements about what you wanted.
State Registry Programs
Some states maintain registries for advance directives and funeral planning documents. These online databases let authorized family members access your instructions quickly. Check whether your state offers this service and how to register your preferences.
Digital Storage Solutions
Password-protected digital files work well if your family knows how to access them. Cloud storage, password managers with emergency access features, or digital estate planning platforms can store funeral instructions where family can reach them immediately.
The key is telling people where to find these digital files and how to access them. Write down login information and store it somewhere your executor or spouse can locate quickly.
Direct Communication
Simply telling your family your wishes remains one of the most effective approaches. Conversations about funeral preferences feel uncomfortable, but they prevent confusion and conflict when you’re gone.
Follow up verbal conversations with written documentation, but don’t rely solely on written instructions your family might not find. Direct discussion means they already know your preferences even if they never locate the formal documents.
What To Include In Funeral Instructions
Be specific about important preferences but avoid excessive detail that limits flexibility or creates burden. Your family needs clear guidance on major decisions while retaining ability to adjust details based on circumstances.
Address these key areas:
- Burial, cremation, or body donation preference
- Cemetery plot location if already purchased
- Specific funeral home if you have strong feelings
- Religious or secular service preference
- Open or closed casket wishes
- Organ donation decisions
- Memorial or funeral service style
- Approximate budget or spending guidance
- Who should be notified of your death
- Any people who should not be invited
- Special requests like military honors
- Preferred charities for memorial donations
Organ Donation Documentation
Organ donation decisions require immediate action. Hospitals need to know within hours whether you’re a registered donor. According to Donate Life America, registering as an organ donor through your state’s donor registry provides the fastest access to your wishes.
Driver’s licenses typically indicate donor status, but formal registry enrollment provides backup documentation. Some states include organ donation choices on advance healthcare directives as well.
Don’t rely on your will to communicate organ donation wishes. The timing makes wills useless for this purpose. Register through official channels and tell your family directly.
Body Donation Programs
If you want to donate your body to medical science, contact the recipient organization during your lifetime. Medical schools and research facilities have specific requirements and registration processes.
These organizations provide documentation you should give to your family. Body donation can conflict with traditional funeral services, so your family needs to understand the implications and timeline.
Some body donation programs won’t accept remains after certain types of death or if specific conditions exist. Having backup instructions about disposition if donation isn’t possible prevents family confusion.
Prepaid Funeral Arrangements
Prepaying funeral expenses locks in current prices and removes financial burden from your family. However, prepaid arrangements require careful consideration.
Research the funeral home’s reputation and financial stability. Make sure contracts are transferable if you move. Understand what happens to unused funds or if costs exceed prepaid amounts.
Keep documentation about prepaid arrangements with your other funeral instructions. Your family needs to know these arrangements exist so they contact the right funeral home.
Legal Authority For Funeral Decisions
State laws designate who has legal authority to make funeral decisions. Typically, the spouse has priority, followed by adult children, parents, and siblings. Some states allow you to designate someone specifically for this purpose.
If you want someone other than the person with default legal authority to handle your funeral, check whether your state allows designation of an agent for funeral decisions. This prevents disputes when your preferences differ from what the legal decision-maker wants.
Updating Your Instructions
Review funeral instructions every few years and after major life changes. Marriages, divorces, moves, religious conversions, or changed relationships might affect your wishes.
Dating your funeral instructions helps your family know whether they’re looking at current preferences or outdated documents. Destroy old versions when you create new ones to avoid confusion.
Coordinating With Your Will
Even though funeral instructions shouldn’t only appear in your will, mentioning them briefly creates no harm. A simple paragraph stating “My funeral and burial wishes are documented in a separate letter of instruction available to my family” directs people to look for additional guidance.
You can also designate funds in your will to reimburse whoever pays funeral expenses. This ensures the financial burden gets handled fairly during estate settlement.
Common Mistakes To Avoid
Don’t make your funeral instructions so elaborate that following them becomes impossible or burdensome. Requesting specific flowers not available in your region or insisting on readings in languages no one speaks creates stress rather than honoring your memory.
Avoid putting funeral instructions only in one place. Redundancy helps. Multiple family members should have copies, and digital backups should exist alongside physical documents.
Don’t assume your family knows your wishes without documentation. What seems obvious to you might not occur to them, especially during grief. Write things down even if you’ve discussed them.
Communicating Your Wishes
Taking time to document your funeral preferences and making sure your family can access them quickly shows consideration for the people you’ll leave behind. We encourage having direct conversations with family members about your wishes while also creating written instructions stored in accessible locations. Combining verbal communication with practical documentation gives your loved ones the guidance they need during a difficult time without forcing them to search for hidden instructions or guess what you would have wanted.